Better Man
by Rhimari
Summary: She didn’t love him, so she lied. She didn’t want to be with him forever, but she was afraid to be alone. She couldn’t have the one she wanted, so she settled for someone who wanted her. InuYashaKagome.


_"Better Man"_

A One-Shot Brought to you by Rhimari

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"She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man…"_

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"Kagome…" his eyes were wide, exposed and beautiful, as he sighed her name, pulling reluctantly away as he ended the kiss. "It's so hard for me to let you go, I wish I could hold you forever…"

She made a small, non-committal noise and jumped when his lips brushed her neck.

"I love you so much," he mummered and mentally, she quivered. A long, expectant silence followed, which he broke by saying, "And I know you love me too."

"Yes…" And she closed her eyes as he kissed her again, counting every second until he pulled away. Casually, she glanced at her watch. "I need to get going…"

He groaned in disappointment, looking up with half lidded eyes. "So soon?"

"I have a test to study for…" she replied, trying to sound apologetic.

Sighing, he got to his feet and pulled her up beside him. "I'll walk you to your car."

Outside, the night was cool and crisp, a welcome change from the stuffy house. Kagome inhaled the air, noting the contrast between it and the warm hand clenched around hers. Reaching her car, he embraced her again. "Call me when you get home."

She smiled nervously. "I'll try, but I don't think I'll be able..."

A look of pure dejection crossed his face. "Oh." But he reached towards her again and covered her mouth with his. The kiss lasted for several antagonizing seconds. Kagome found herself fidgeting, flexing her fingers, running through her mental list of to dos… anything to keep her mind of the feel of the kiss. It wasn't breath taking or even pleasant- no, it was sloppy and revolting… an obligation she couldn't get around.

Finally, it ended.

"Well, I'll talk to you when I talk to you."

Kagome flinched, he was upset. Not that she blamed him, she was a horrible girlfriend. He was wonderful to her and she knew she didn't deserve it… how could she when she didn't really _want_ to be there. "I'm sorry… I just don't know when I'll be back from my treatment."

Another lie to add to the growing pile.

"Why won't you let me come with you?" he wondered, wrapping arms around her and pulling until she had no choice but to lean against his thin, bony chest.

"It's too far away," she replied quickly, casting a longing glance at her car, "and mama probably wouldn't approve."

Lies and compromise, that was what her life had come to. It was second nature to her now, but that didn't diminish her anger. Kagome wanted to hit the boy holding her over the head, tell him to wake up. Was he really that naïve? Couldn't he tell she was lying? Sense her discomfort? Why couldn't he see through her mask?

Sighing, he put his head on her shoulder and nipped her ear. She shuddered. "One day they'll be no restrictions," he told her dreamily. "No more clocks, no more time apart. Just you and me…"

He was alluding to marriage and it made her blood run cold. Struggling out of his embrace, she knew she had to escape. "I really need to go, mama will be mad if I'm late."

"Fine." He spun her around, stealing another kiss. "I love you."

His eyes were wide, expectant. Kagome gulped, she had no choice.

"I… love you too," she breathed, hating herself. Kagome walked to the driver's side of the car, he waited at the curb. "Good-bye, Houjo."

He didn't wait any longer, having seen her safely to her car and exhausted all chances to show affection. With a small glance back, he walked into the house as she pulled away.

The tears came seconds later and although she fought them back valiantly, soon they were impairing her vision, making driving down the busy city street impossible. Stopping the car less than a block down the road, Kagome buried her head in her arms and sobbed.

She didn't love him, so she lied. She didn't want to be with him forever, but she was afraid to be alone. She couldn't have the one she wanted, so she settled for someone who wanted her.

Lies.

Compromise.

That was all she had left.

Her minor breakdown, coupled with Houjou's inability to say good-bye proved to put her fifteen minutes behind schedule. She wasn't surprised when an irate hanyou was waiting as she pulled up the back drive, but she was not in the mood to deal with him.

"Fuck, Kagome! Where the hell have you been?" he demanded, jerking her door open impatiently as soon as he saw the headlights flash off. InuYasha's appearance was as untamed as ever, impossibly long hair falling around his shoulders and face scrunched down bitterly. Everything about him was endearing and familiar, but after having just spent time with Houjou…

She just ignored him as she walked past, knowing he'd figure it out on his own. Her eyes were sore and she felt sick. More than that, she was emotionally exhausted.

"Gah! You were with that pipsqueak again, weren't you!" _Smart boy_, she thought, walking towards the well house with him trailing behind, yellow pack slung carelessly over his shoulder. Why it surprised him she didn't know. It was common knowledge she was dating Houjou, it was an arrangement he'd grudgingly agreed to months ago. "I can smell him all over you, what the hell were you doing!"

"That's none of your business," Kagome said simply, no malice in her tone.

As usual, InuYasha took offense at her innocent comment. She couldn't see his face, but she could imagine the way his ears fell back from experience.

"Fine, fuck the bastard for all I care," he snarled. The comment stung, but she tucked the hurt away with everything else, barely flinching.

They trudged along in uncomfortable silence. While crossing the grassy expanse near the God Tree, a breeze picked up and Kagome cursed her luck. When would she learn to walk down-wind? That way he couldn't smell her… but it was too late now. She heard InuYasha's steps fault and she had no choice but to stop herself. No doubt he'd caught another scent on her more concerning than Houjou's.

"Oi." A hand fell on her shoulder. She refused to turn around. "You were crying."

"I was."

He was waiting for an explanation. She didn't give one and he was forced to press the subject. "That little bastard didn't hurt you, did he? Because if he so much as…"

"No, he didn't. Houjo treats me wonderfully."

"Then why were you…"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter." Slowly, she began walking again. The well house was just around the corner. If she could evade his questions until they made the leap into the past, she knew the subject would be forgotten. Kagome quickened her pace, praying he wouldn't press it.

A clawed hand caught her arm and pulled carefully, forcing her to turn and face him. Amber eyes bored into her own, large and insistent. "If you were crying over it, it must matter," he reasoned quietly.

She didn't answer, couldn't, and dropped her head as a bitter smile turned her lips. Why couldn't he be his usual idiot self and brush off her trouble? Why couldn't he yell or pout? Why did he have to look like that, as if he truly cared?

Insistently, InuYasha jerked on her arm again. "Why don't you talk to me anymore?"

"What?" Of all the things he could have said, none would have cut Kagome deeper. His eyes sought hers again, she couldn't look away.

"Keh!" he commented, shifting around nervously. His hand tightened on her arm as his face flushed. "You always tell me when you were upset or angry, whether I wanted to hear or not. But every since you starting being with that pipsqueak you just… stopped."

Had she really been ignoring the hanyou? Yes, she reasoned, but she was justified, considering he was main cause of her problems. But no, that wasn't right. Even when she'd been hurt by his relationship with Kikyo she had let his know. So what was different now?"

"I… Kagome, you're never happy anymore. You don't smile as much or laugh and… and if you do the things you do with him, shouldn't you like him enough to be happy?"

Kagome flinched. Trust InuYasha to hit the nail on the head with realizing it. Hell, he probably hadn't meant the question to sound the way it did. For Kagome, thought, that simple commented isolated months of struggle and grief.

Shouldn't you like him enough to be happy?

She felt her vision cloud with tears. InuYasha didn't deserve to worry because of her feelings, he deserved the truth.

"It's not Houjo," she whispered, watching his ears flick in her direction. "It's me."

"What?" His eyes took on a confused glint, she bowed her head to avoid them.

"It's me," Kagome repeated unable to fight the broken ring to her voice. The tears began to fall and her voice wavered. She bit her lip. "He's caring and attentive and everything a girl could possibly want! I should be happy. I should be content, but I'm not. Oh gods… I'm such a bitch!"

Her legs collapsed and she sunk to the cold cement. Vaguely, she realized she was falling apart, crumbling to nothing before the last man she wanted to see her this way. The logical course of action would be to curb her emotions before they got out of control, but she just didn't have the energy. She needed this, if she didn't get it out of her system she was afraid this ugliness would consume her.

"I'm horrible! He loves me! He told me he loved me and I… I lied. I said that I…" Her voice caught as angry tears coursed down her face. She was such a coward, she couldn't even put the words together. "I said _it_! And it was a lie! Everything we have… it should be wonderful, but that's all it is… a lie…"

Kagome was slowly exhausting her supply of tears. The drive to speak, to come clean about her dirty secret, had vanished, leaving her exhausted and empty. She looked up from her prone position, saw InuYasha standing there and cringed. His face was carefully blank, his ear back, and his posture stiff. She knew where this conversation had to go and was dreading it.

"I said I loved him," she admitted on a whispered breath. Tears still clung to her eyelashes, she tried to blink them away. "But I don't." She carefully met his gaze. "I don't love him."

Kagome was silent, hoping for some kind of a reaction. Veiled behind those words was another meaning, one she was sure he would catch. _I don't love him. **I love you.**_ Her heart beat wildly as she was something pass before his eyes, something that just might mean…

InuYasha turned his back on her. She could tell nothing about his emotions, see nothing except his tense shoulders. He shifted her bag before clearing his throat. When he spoke again, his tone was brash. "C'mon Kagome, the others are waiting."

Her heart shattered, but that was nothing new.

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_"Can't find a better man…"_


End file.
